just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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