he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
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This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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