I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
