you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
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I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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