Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
