Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
