He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
