Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize