I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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