I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
