I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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