I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
