Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
