Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
