I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
