I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think my moral compass just broke
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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