I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
