When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
