apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
