I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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