spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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