At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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