my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
