he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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