I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
