ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
