This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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