Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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