i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
