The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
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Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
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When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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