tell your sister to shave her snatch
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
