I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
