she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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