I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
