Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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