haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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