somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
