Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
