then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
