Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
