Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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