i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
