if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
