I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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