Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
