dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
