tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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