I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
