Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We talked him into tasing himself.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
