Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
