This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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