His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
