I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
