my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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