I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
