I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I will pee on everything he values.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
