When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
