She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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