ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize