I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Are my feet made of real feet?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
