Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
