one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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