They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't put those talents on a resume
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
