I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
