i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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