May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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