am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Randomize
