you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
