I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
