How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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