If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
