i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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